That’s it?

I know I’m supposed to post today about how wonderful it is being a mom.  And I’m sure that it’s my civic responsibility to do so.  But I have to be honest that sometimes I don’t feel that way.  Don’t get me wrong — I love those little nuts, and I honestly wouldn’t give them back, ever, even knowing everything that I know now.  But whoever invented Mother’s Day surely was over 50 and did not have toddlers at home.  She had forgotten that no matter how you might try, it is impossible to make a toddler be anything other than a completely selfish ego — they just haven’t gotten to appreciation yet.  My kids show me love and affection on a daily basis, and I love that.  But they also make unreasonable (and somewhat reasonable, just poorly timed) demands all day, every day, and the fact that Turbo wants apple juice and the next episode of Dragon Tales on Netflix right F-ing NOW doesn’t change because it’s my special day.  There were no facials or massages, no “you go ahead and take the day off, honey” type things going on here at our house.  I spent part of the day trying to get over a very surprising sense of disappointment that came when the Major told me that he thought the odds were good that we’d be living in base housing after this move.  I have seen the housing in our next place — it’s not bad… but I have really come to love owning a home.  I have poured my heart into this house and have found a love for gardening and home renovation that will not have a place in base housing.  Plus we’ll lose two bedrooms, a ton of storage, a home gym and any chance of me ever having an office again.  Our neighbors will leave all their crap in their front yards and so will we — cuz that’s just what you do — and we’ll all know intimate details of each others’ lives.  Happy Mother’s Day.  I’m pouting, and I know it. And this surely isn’t interesting to read… and I’ve gotten way off on a tangent here. This is not about base housing. It’s about me hoping to love Mother’s Day more when these boys are a bit bigger.  Because without major orchestration from the Major at these ages (and I love him, but he’s just not that kind of organized unselfish guy), there’s no way it’s going to be any different from any other day.  Next year, when we live in base housing, perhaps it will be better.

The big news — Bin Laden Dead

I’m usually late to the game.  I’m not uber-political and I don’t like to dwell on war news, despite the fact that my husband is rather closely involved in the machinations that make ongoing conflict possible, at least from a “sustainment of the F-18” perspective.  That being said, it’d be impossible not to find oneself in a reflective state of mind after hearing the news of Osama bin Laden’s death.

I’m reading a lot of celebratory news pieces, many of which quote US officials declaring this to be a major victory for our country.  And it’s all falling a bit flat for me.  I guess I can admit that I felt a hatred for this man as strong as any other American’s.  I was living in NYC when the World Trade Center was destroyed, and it sure felt personal then.  I am now feeling slightly unAmerican or unPatriotic for not wanting to celebrate this man’s death.  Don’t get me wrong — I don’t feel remorseful or sad for him, or even for his family.  Anyone who believed with such vehemence in the need to kill as many Westerners as possible has my vote for being taken out.  I feel much the same way about anyone who expresses their religious beliefs with guns and bombs rather than words.  But I do feel like this was a symbolic victory if anything, and am very doubtful that the elimination of one very connected and insidiously powerful man might actually change the course of the wars we are fighting.  It also occurs to me that in the last 10 years, this man has had to exist completely in hiding, which I think must’ve limited his sphere of influence to some degree.  How much pull did he really have in recent events, given the fact that he was unable to speak publicly, use standard means of communication or even walk down the street in his own neighborhood? 

I’m glad he’s gone, but I am not sure it makes me feel much better about the course of these conflicts, and it doesn’t make me feel one lick better about what happened in New York in 2001.

PCS Blues

Our orders are up in July.  Which means that our whole family will be moving to the other coast before too long.  And while I have spent almost 4 years in this town, and tried hard to put a positive spin on it, I will finally just come out and say that I really HATE this place.  I know people will take offense to that — people who are familiar with and fond of this tiny desert town in the middle of absolutely nowhere, at least.  So I need to make it clear that my dislike of this place in no way relates to the people I’ve come to know while we’ve been stationed here.  And in many ways, this town has been very good to me.  I was able to get a job at a relatively prestigious company (because very few talented people with any skills worth having want to live here, thus the job market is pretty easy to navigate); I made some good friends (military spouses stranded together atop a volcano or on a deserted island would befriend each other in much the same manner, I suspect); and I was able to become involved with the community (nothing snarky to add here…).  And I can respect that some people actually choose to live here.  But aside from our beautiful home, which we renovated completely over a three year period (which having another kid and living with 2 crazy boys), this place is desolate and depressing, and I’ll be so glad to watch it fade in my rear view mirror.  The heat I can handle (it’s a dry heat afterall — but 120 is still pretty f*ing hot); it’s the wind that I hate. Sustained winds of 25-45 miles per hour are no fun for anyone. Especially a long haired gas permeable contact lens wearer.

And though I am eager to leave, I’d like to just go ahead and fast forward the next 5 months.  They involve attempting to sell our house (at a great loss certainly, if we can sell at all); supervising packing; cleaning the house; getting across the country with 2 small boys; figuring out where to live on the other side (buy again because we are insane or base housing for which there is a 6 month wait?); and what my job situation will or won’t be out there.  A teensy bit stressful.  At least I’ve found a school for the boys that I believe will be good and they’re both pre-registered to begin in August 1st.  Small victories.  They’ll actually be at the same school on the same schedule, so that will be very nice.

Anyway, as the move date draws nearer, I am more and more stressed about all the details that I can’t simply shove into alignment.  Waiting is not my strong point…