Things I Never Thought I’d Say

As a mom of two boys, I have accepted that I will be the singular force acting in the name of cleanliness in our household. I know and accept that I will be the only person within our home who notices the crap on the floor, the crumbs on the couch, and the Lego brick that has been sitting on the stairs for the past three weeks. (I leave things like that there to see if someone … ANYONE else … might notice and pick it up.) I’ve come to terms with that.

And my response has been to let go quite a bit. I’m not nearly as anal as I once was. I don’t mop the floor every other day, or even weekly at this point. I insist on picking up clothes and books, but the playroom is pretty much an untamed wilderness that I will not attempt to navigate. It’s like little kid Las Vegas in there. What happens in the playroom … you know.

But you gotta draw the line somewhere, right?

This morning I entered the boys’ bathroom (mistake number one) to hang up a towel, and noticed yellow puddled stains on the lip of the tub and down the side. (I should note here that I knew immediately that it was urine, and that really didn’t phase me. Having little boys means that urine ends up in many near-potty locations, as it seems that boys and their parts get distracted pretty easily and cannot focus on getting things where they belong. I’m used to mopping up around the base of the toilet, and even on the walls in immediate proximity.) I called the small people in to look. And then I had one of those moments where I found myself saying something that I could never have predicted, when I was young, single and naive.

And it reminded me of all the other things I never thought I’d hear myself say. For your entertainment, I include a list of these here for you today (warning, it seems that much of our lives revolve around poop and nudity. If you’re easily offended, look elsewhere):

THINGS I NEVER THOUGHT I’D HEAR MYSELF SAY

10. We ALWAYS wear pants at Red Robin!

9. Please don’t touch your weiner while we’re doing math.

8. No pooping in the bathtub!

7. Why is there poop on my Christmas hand towel?

6. We ALWAYS wear pants when we have company!

5. Did you poop in Daddy’s closet?

4. Why are you paying with Play-Doh naked?

3. Did you drink a whole bottle of maple syrup?

2. Good job wiping your own butt!

1. We don’t pee on furniture! (variations of this have included: …in the potted palm! …in the front yard! …in the neighbor’s planter! …into the bathtub! …on the rug!)

Advertisements

Still here…

My mind remains partially intact, and both children are still alive. We’ve left my parents… I think they might even let us come visit again someday! We are now staying with The Major’s mom (where I get my own room AND bathroom – heaven!) and will then be off to the LAX area to fly out next weekend! the Major has found us a house, though we’ll have to stay a week in the Navy Lodge… Between a cross country flight on my own with 2 kids and a week in a hotel, I think we will be SO ready for a home! Wish me luck… Any tips on air travel with kids are welcome!!

Vacation Days

I don’t really understand how Turbo’s school plans their schedule.  It seems like we pay the same amount each month, but each month has a completely random number of school days, based on the whims and vacation plans of the staff.  I imagine their calendar planning sessions might go like this:

Random Administrator #1:  Oh, cool, look.  February 21st is Presidents’ Day.  So we don’t have to have those pesky kids here that day.

Random Administrator #2:  Awesome.  Oh hey, I was thinking of taking a long weekend to go to San Diego and check out some of the new bars. Think we could make Friday a holiday too, then?

RA1:  Sure, I don’t see why not.  It isn’t like we’ll make any less money just for having fewer school days!

RA2:  I almost feel bad for the parents who still have to work on those days… what will they do with their kids?

RA1:  Not our problem!

RA2:  Right you are!

(High five each other and then chest bump.)

Seriously – what am I supposed to do with my kids when their schools are closed but my company is still open?  How do other parents deal with this?

I regained my sanity by going back to work 60%.  That means 24 hours a week, people… it isn’t a lot.  I have no idea how moms with full time jobs can possibly pull it off.  And my kids are tiny – how do you deal with school schedules that run from 8am to 2pm when work is from 7:30 to 4:30??  I’m beginning to wonder if I’ll end up being a “stay at home” mom when my kids start “real school” because I’ll have no other choice.  How do other moms handle this?  I don’t think the Major would be too pleased to hear that I plan to quit when Turbo enters kindergarten – and frankly, I think I’d lose my mind staying home full time!